i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You dont lie about slip and slides
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
