Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
