Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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