New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
