Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You ruined the universe
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
