Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
