the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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