He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
