Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
