they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
