I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
