She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Houston, we have a squirter
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
