just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
