i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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