Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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