Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
