i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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