Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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