he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
