My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
