her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
