i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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