arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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