I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
