Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
