I need help removing her.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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