I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
