Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
