Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
