he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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