I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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