Ambien. No doubt about it.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
