i think my mom watched the whole time
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
