I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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