Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
