i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
