I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
