I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
