At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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