Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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