I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
