Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
