oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
