I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
