Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
