Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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