she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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