sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
