my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
