I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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