The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
