I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
